I Don’t Plan on Getting Married

I think wedding season and Valentines day must put all chocolate and girly-drink companies in the black for the year. I mean, those days can be pretty damn depressing for a single gal.

About this time, all the single ladies start posting things to Facebook like “I’m single, but I’m happy and I don’t need a man to define me and…”

Yeah, I don’t buy it. There are some fantastic single ladies out there, but deep down, I don’t believe they’re okay with their relationship status.

I’m not.

If I’m okay, why do I feel like I’ve been gut-punched every time a friend gets engaged?

My mom was married at 19, and as a girl I thought I’d do about the same. Nineteen came and went without so much as a date and I began to go through what every girl goes through–is there something wrong with me? It it because I’m fat? Have acne?

When I graduated from college (a conservative Christian school), somewhere between seven and ten of my classmates were getting married because that’s where Christian kids find spouses–Bible College.

Not me.

I didn’t want a career. I wanted to get married, have kids, and stay home with them. But I began to realize that things weren’t panning out the way I’d hoped. About that time, I stopped planning on getting married.

I want to get married, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t plan my life around something that might never happen. I can’t wait for my life to start, because it has already started. What will I make of it? All I can control is my own actions.

What I have to go on, so far, are my passions. I have a passion to learn, to teach, to write and to create. So I teach eight rambunctious kiddies and find happiness and in the way they clamour to tell me what’s up in their lives. I plan a long-term career as a writer, working every day to make it a reality. I create with my imagination, and I learn constantly.

I learn about relationships, and how to make them strong. If I never marry, this knowledge won’t be wasted. I strengthen my beliefs, hoping one day to teach them to my kids, but knowing that a strong faith will serve others regardless. I’m a good cook, and I can keep a house, and i’m trying to be good with money.

It’s actually fulfilling in itself.

I don’t want to come off as the smarmy type who has it all together. I know I’m not because of the crying fit I had when writing this. I’m lonely sometimes, and feel a bit like the last pair of shoes on the bargain rack. But it is what it is. How will I deal with it?

I’ll be okay with not being okay, but never, ever let that stop me from having a great life.

16 thoughts on “I Don’t Plan on Getting Married

  1. I can so relate to your post! I was a special education teacher for years and didn’t marry until I was 36. I am not saying that every single girl has to wait that long. Here’s what I believe to be true and has never proven me wrong: God has a reason for putting the dream of marriage and children in your heart. Someday (perhaps sooner than you might think), you’ll be engaged and planning your own wedding. In the meantime, you are living your life and developing. Awesome! P.S. I STILL don’t really like Valentine’s Day because I remember how much I hated it when I was single. I celebrate my kids and for my spouse; everyday can be a special day!

  2. The thing about affinity and love is that the more you are hoping for it, the more it’s going to stay away from you, and, when you’re unsuspecting of love, then, it will surprise you, and, it doesn’t matter IF everybody around you IS getting married and you’re the one who isn’t, so long as you still have a full schedule, to keep your life intact, you’ll be fine, i’m sure.

      1. But, relationship doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic one, interactions with others will be just as enriching, just find people who are intelligent enough who can challenge your thinking processes is all.

  3. I think it is in every girl’s heart to be married and have a family. That is a God inspired ‘feeling’. What I discovered when I was a teenager was to be quite content with my status (a godly trait) and enjoy the life that God was letting me live. I would pray for my future husband and leave it at that. Then, when I was about to continue my education (I am a drop-out of high school) and wanted to pursue a ‘career’, God sent a man into my life. By this time I was past the teen years. And remember, my dear granddaughter, EVERYTHING is for a season. As you are well aware, I became a widow very early in life (I think everybody thinks it is too soon to lose a spouse when it has been a good marriage). It took me 5 years to start enjoying my single life again. As a matter of fact, I had no plans to ever get married again, but you do know the rest of the story. When we sincerely pray, “God not my will but yours”, it will be a fulfilling life. And just think, if I had gone my own way, you would not be my granddaughter now, and a very precious one. So take heart, like I told my daughter when she thought she was an old maid (all of 20 years of age) it is better to be single than to wish you were. It is of utmost importance that God is always your first love. Grandpa and I are praying for you. You are much loved.

  4. Very well written, and it speaks for so many people in this modern day where marriage is becoming the minority. I love it!

    1. Thanks 🙂 I’m a big proponent of marriage–don’t get me wrong–but for me, the journey has been one of finding contentment and finding my place in whatever circumstance.

  5. Think you’re doing exactly the right thing. I don’t think you find love when you’re looknig for it. You find love when you’re being yourself, following your own heart, not looking for other people’s. this way, potential partners see the true you, not someone pretending to be someone else so they get married faster.
    Sure, that mean you might take longer to find the right person – you might never find them. But if and when you do, you will be together for exactly the right reasons?

    1. Thanks, I agree. I’m ashamed to say that I tend to look at men as potential spouses, not potential friends. It’s more likely that I will find a friend and then a spouse, and that is how I’d like to do it.

  6. My oldest son who is slightly eccentric never expected to marry because he felt he would never find a compatible mate.
    His roommate felt much the same way. She was artsy, creative, unique. She never thought about her wedding or dreamed about what kind of dress she would wear.
    They have been married nearly 4 years, have a 1-year old toddler! 🙂 They are early thirties.
    God has interesting timing sometimes.

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