Oh Christmas, Why Did You Have to Go?

They took down Santa’s house this morning–the gaudy snow-covered castle, the plastic reindeer, the picket fence that corralled hopeful parents and fearful toddlers toward good St. Nick. Christmas is over, alas.

Oh Christmas, why did you have to go?

You may understand why I’m feeling a bit down. It’s not that I have a right to complain after twelve days of holidays—the sort of stretch that I haven’t had since I graduated. And after such a long holiday, I was actually looking forward to the structure of a workweek (the structure, anyway). I’m so much better at structure, after all. It’s just that I looked forward to Christmas for so long. I had all these plans—gatherings, parties, hanging out, writing, watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. In my most flustered, most tired times, I would hold out the holidays like a beacon of hope.

And now it’s winter, dead winter. It’s so cold that I wouldn’t put a dog outside. Heck, if there was just an elevator in my building, I’d bring my little car, Strawberry, up and park him between the sofa and the fireplace. I’m positive he’d fit, and this would solve the issue of the windshield frosting up from the inside, and the awful noises the car makes some mornings. Maybe that snow that’s been sitting on the floor mats for weeks would finally melt. Nothing melts in minus thirty, and it’s been minus thirty for a long time, or so it feels.

On the upside, I get more of a workout in this weather because I wear a twenty-pound parka everywhere, and winter boots. The boots are like ankle weights and, when I’m indoors, the coat serves as one of those sauna suits that fitness wackos wear. I need all the help I can get because today I stepped on one of the big floor scales at work, and I seem to have gained back the weight I’d lost before Christmas. Two weeks of doing nothing but watching movies and eating will do that to a body.

Perhaps the passing of Christmas is actually a good thing.

Well, it can’t be helped anyway. I just need to come up with a new ‘carrot’ to dangle in front of my nose. I’ve told you a bit about my goals for the year, and this morning I wrote up my goals for the month. I’m actually kind of pumped about them. After a good holiday, my brain is ready for new challenges.

Perhaps what I’m most excited about (and nervous) is sending my second draft novel to three beta readers for review. In the meantime, I will be doing some beta reading in trade, and cracking out my NaNoWriMo novel. I haven’t read it since November.

I’m also pretty excited about how this blog has been picking up steam since my article “For Trade: One Head” was Freshly Pressed. I sure am looking forward to another year of spilling my guts to you, interacting, and reading what y’all have to say.

So, Happy New Year. Stay warm, and may you find new things to look forward to.

A Year is a Lot of Time to Waste

I’m afraid of commitment, so I don’t make New Years resolutions.  I do make resolutions, but not New Years ones.  A year is a long, long time after all, and six months in I might change my mind.  Making a decision?  Oh, not me.  Do you know how long it takes me to pick out a bag of chips?  I mean, what if there’s a better flavour?  What if I change my mind?

But I am a planner.  I make one month plans, I make one week plans.  And now I feel the need to make a one year plan.  “Like New Year’s resolutions?” my coworker asked, when I told her this.

“No.  Well… yes.  No.  It’s different.”  I mean, it’s a plan, not a wish, right?  That’s different, right?

I’ve got a whole list of plans by now, and the whole things scares the pants off of me when I think about it, which means I can’t think about it right now because I’m in public.  I guess I’ll chance it.  Maybe the boots will keep the pants in place.

I have financial goals–pay off my car, for instance.  I have health goals–losing weight, of course.  I mean, it was working before Christmas, it should work now.  I have writing goals–a stack of them.  I plan to publish for the first time in 2014, and this scares me even more than my list of goals.  I also have a goal of how many books I want to read, and on what subjects.  And, best of all, my sister and I have planned a trip for the summer when the plant shuts down.

I’ve heard it said that “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, but they wildly underestimate what they can do in ten years”.  And I suspect this may translate into months as well.  What could I accomplish in twelve months if I deliberately planned this out?  When I began writing a to-do list for the week, it was because I was tired of forgetting things.  In one year, you can forget a lot.  I don’t want to forget the things that were important at the beginning of the year.  I don’t want a year to go by haphazardly, because time is the most important resource I have.  I don’t want my money to go to the wind, because I spend far too much time to get it.  I don’t want to finish another year without progress in my fitness, because after a few of those years I’ll wish I’d taken better care of myself.  I want to finish the year with better relationships, and new ones.

I want to thrive in 2014.

2013 was a hard year, and I’ve come through with scars on my body and on my heart.  I am sorry for the bitterness that has taken root in my soul, and for the spiritual complacency that I see in myself.  I’m sorry it was necessary to spend so much of my year at work, because it seems to have strained my relationship with my family.  I’m sorry I spent so much money on myself.  I wish I’d saved it, or spent it on others.

I don’t want 2014 to end like that.

And so, I resolve to plan.  I guess I’ll finish the plan tomorrow.  Yeah, tomorrow. 

Scoreboard, I Hate You

A few days ago I downloaded this app called “My Fitness Pal”. Anyone else tried that one? You enter everything you eat and drink during the day, and it tallies up your calorie intake, as well as the nutritional info.  And then it tells you “If you eat like this, you will weight X kg by X date.”

Oh. Dear.

Every day so far, I have exceeded my recommended calorie intake—and it’s not even an unreasonable goal because of my active lifestyle. But I like chips.

What changed? Did my diet change for the worse because I started tracking it? No, I just got a reasonable picture of what I am eating.

A few days before that, I tallied up my expenses and receipts for the month of November to see if I made budget. I didn’t. Not even close—saved only because I worked overtime and made more than I’d projected, and even then I went backwards last month. Ugh. I’ve been tracking my budget for the last four months, and I have never made budget perfectly. But this much I know, I’ve been a lot closer when I’ve been tracking it.

Of course, that doesn’t make it any less depressing.

I also track what books I read, how many audios I listen to, the stats to my blog, Twitter and Facebook. Most months I make my goals, but the progress seems really slow.

Claude Hamilton, in his book Toughen Up: Basic Training for Leadership and Success, says, “We track what we respect. If you don’t respect your money, you won’t track it. If you do respect your time, you’ll track it… those who don’t respect their time and money enough to track them are always too busy and broke.” Ouch. I suspect that the same thing applies to my diet: I didn’t respect my body, so I didn’t track my diet, ergo I’m overweight.

I don’t know if tracking my food-intake will help me lose weight, but not tracking it would have kept me on the same path of weight gain I was on, just as not tracking my finances would have kept me broke. As it is, I am able to live off 80 percent of my income, and slowly am gaining financial traction. Because I set goals and revisit them regularly, I read more, learn more, and do more because I respect my time.

As you see, I go from failure to failure. When you’re losing, the scoreboard is depressing. That’s why some kiddy sports team have eliminated it—as if that could boost the self-esteem of said kiddies by sticking their heads in their sand.  “Oh, they’ll feel bad if they see that they suck.”  Yup.  They will.  Maybe it does boost their self-esteem for the moment, but it will ultimately hurt them by giving them unrealistic expectations: their boss will keep score on their productivity. Their bank will keep score on their accounts. Keeping a scoreboard keeps you honest about your failures, and when you have the courage to confront your weakness and do something about it, there are few things that build your self-esteem more.

For further reading, check out the chapter on keeping score in Resolved: 13 Resolutions for LIFE by Orrin Woodward, or the chapter on putting first things first in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

Or this article on keeping score at Orrin Woodward’s Blog here

Warning: Life in Progress

(Written at 12:30 last night)

I hit the wall tonight. Maybe it was triggered when I took apart my coating machine, cleaned it and put it together again only to have it not work. Six hours of work down the drain. Perhaps it was the politicking of my coworkers. Or, maybe I’m just tired. But I took a nosedive.  Energy: gone.  Tear ducts: primed and ready.

I’ve been flying high for a few weeks now—working hard, making changes, learning, and having fun. But today I read my sheet of goals, looked at my bank records, saw the year ticking away, and realized that I was no where near where I wanted to be.

Keeping score on myself sucks.

Before I kept score I thought I was doing pretty good—above average for sure, Maybe even great. And now I’m horrible.

I’m nowhere near hitting my goals for the month. I don’t know what I was thinking when I set them—obviously I didn’t think I was going to plateau/get stuck on almost EVERYTHING.

And who decided I should set a budget? Damn it, I’m going to keep this budget if it kills me, and it just might. I had no idea I was wasting so much money!

There isn’t enough time to read all the books I want to read AND write AND network on social media AND keep up the housework (though I wouldn’t mind letting that go…).

I’m eating healthier but I’m still fat. I’m saving money but I still can’t afford a car, and winter is coming fast–can’t ride the bike then, not in Manitoba.  I’m improving at my job, but I’m still a long way from competency. I might have been able to catch the mechanical error tonight, but I wasn’t confident in what I was doing.

Well, I DON’T give up.

By the grace of God, tomorrow will be a new day. I am reminded that, first, it has always been in my lowest moments that God has provided for me in the biggest ways. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought I was a lost cause. Second, I don’t have to get my life together immediately. It would be rather nauseating for y’all if I did.

This life is a work in progress. Have I done my best? YES. I have never done better than now. Well, then there is no more to ask of myself. It’s probably time to take a break, relax and rest up.  So, with that, I’m going to bed.

What Algebra Taught Me (and I don’t mean math)

Motivation doesn’t generally start in tenth grade Algebra. The word Algebra doesn’t reek of motivational powers, if you know what I mean. But, that is where I learned an effective way of lighting a fire under my seat: prizes.

Yes, prizes. Lemme ‘splain.

I was homeschooled, so by nature all my schoolwork was homework. Math homework was a three to four hour process every day. I wasn’t that great at it, and by the time the second hour rolled around my brain was shot and my tear ducts were working overtime. My Mom, in an attempt to keep sane and keep her daughter on the path to academic success, suggested a concept she’d read about. It was called ‘sprints’—breaking up a task into shorter bits and assigning a time limit to them. For instance, I had one hour to complete ten math problems. To create more motivation, she encouraged me to add a ‘prize’ for winning or a ‘punishment’ for losing. For instance, Mom recalls that one day I missed a goal so I had to drink nothing but water for the rest of the day. I also bribed myself with canned drinks—an hour for ten problems, and then a canned drink to enjoy while I finished the rest. Turns out, I’m a five-year-old when it comes to motivation.

It seems rather silly—using prizes or punishments to motivate myself—but it was quite effective, and I still use that method today. For the last two months I’ve been setting time goals for my writing. I must write eight hours every week. On my weekly to-do list I draw sixteen circles representing half-hour intervals and fill them in as I accomplish them. And every week I set a prize for myself.

If that week I’m craving ice cream, or I want to rent a season of TV shows, or I want a pair of earrings, I don’t buy them. Rather, I say ‘okay, if I succeed in writing eight hours, I’ll rent Sherlock’. If I don’t meet the goal, I don’t get the prize. And that’s happened quite a few times. Its an effective money saving tool too.

Last week I tried on a cute shirt off a sale rack at work, but I didn’t buy it. I put it on hold. I wrote this post to finish off my last half hour for my writing goal. The previous morning I still had five hours to write–it had been a busy week, and my family was spending the weekend at the lake. But, once they went to bed, I stayed up past midnight writing, and then wrote in the vehicle on the way home from the cabin. I wanted that shirt.

I can’t make winning too easy on myself. This week I changed it up, and set a ‘prize goal’ on two fitness goals for the week. If I meet them both, I get the prize.

I also don’t set prize goals on everything. That would be far too expensive, since I set weekly goals in three or four different categories of my life, and monthly goals in eight different categories.

I’m sure this method wouldn’t motivate everyone; I’m just throwing out an idea. The point is to find something that drives you toward your goals and dreams.

I’ve heard it said that people won’t lift a finger for their dreams, but they’ll work hard if they get to play laser tag. I guess sometimes the overarching goal is just too big. The task has to be broken down into bites, each with its own motivation. I learned that from Algebra.

Can I be Still?

Monday is goal-setting day for me.  List writing day.

It’s an efficiency thing for me.  I’m a scatterbrain and, thus, if I do not write down what I need to accomplish I don’t get much done.  So every Monday at breakfast I write down the to-do list for the week.

Clean the bathroom.  Post to blog/Facebook/Twitter.  Make dentist appointment.

Then there are the goals–write 8 hours a week (laugh if you want, but that’s hard for me), eat 5 fruits and veggies each day, exercise three hours.  These are accompanied by little circles or boxes that can be checked off to show how much I’ve done.  These are matched up against my monthly goals–writing word count, fitness goals, financial goals, books to read, etc.

Well, yesterday I didn’t have time at breakfast to write my list.  I recently started a new job, and my world is in shambles.  My schedule is in uproar.  I’m learning new things. I’m meeting new people.  By the time I get home my brain is tired.  Oh, and then I turn around and go to my other job.

I’m not an overachiever, I’m just poor.

I know that some people are far more busy than me.  I know.  But right now I feel like I’m up to my neck.  I could push myself to be more efficient, and I will, but…  On Sunday I was challenged to learn to be still and silent–to take time to get away from my tasks and be quiet.  How counterintuitive!  How ridiculous!  I am BUSY here!

But, as I was told, love and busyness are incompatible.  How do you build a relationship in a hurry?  How do you build a masterpiece in a hurry?  And that is what I am seeking to do: to love God and to build my life into a masterpiece.

So, here is the challenge that went onto my to-do list (once I wrote it, on break at work).  I will be still and silent for 10 minutes every day.  I will take time to just be.  And y’know… I think it might be what saves my sanity, and what gives me the strength to plug away at the to-do list.

I challenge you to do the same thing:  take ten minutes to sit, drink coffee, think, meditate, or pray.  Let me know what happens.  And, if you have any books or articles on the subject you think I’d find helpful, please comment.