“He says, ‘You’re not my mother,’” she said as I rang up her stack of clothes. That was why she was buying her own Mother’s Day gift. Her husband wasn’t going to be buying one.
Her kids, well, I dunno.
That was just the first. I kept hearing it: “I’m going to go buy some flowers, since my husband won’t be.” “I’m buying my own Mother’s Day gift.” Etcetera.
Granted, these were far outweighed by the daughters buying clothes for their moms, the little girl with the long blond hair, who came running in to pick out a necklace with her daddy, and the sheepish husbands buying gift cards, who’d never be caught dead in a women’s clothing store for any other occasion (except Christmas, when they come in droves—sheepish droves).
But I found the whole scenario rather pathetic.
Some Men Have Dropped the Ball, Here
I’d never say that all men MUST buy their wives Mother’s Day presents. You’ve got to take budget into account, and specifically, the love-language of the wife. Not everyone receives, or gives love the same way. Some prefer quality time, acts of service, physical affection or affirming words over gifts.
So if gifts aren’t her thing, well, they aren’t her thing.
But clearly these ladies would have enjoyed a gift, so…
Women Are Lousy Communicators
I’m tempted to say that the men are at fault. I mean, if they just knew their wives, they would have known she wanted a gift.
Give them a break. I’m not very old, but I’ve already learned that it doesn’t work that way.
I’ve stood in the kitchen with my brother and my Mom said, “This needs to go downstairs.” I heard “please take this downstairs,” and my brother heard “this needs to go downstairs.”
I carried it downstairs.
I’ve been thoroughly pissed, ready to cheerfully wring someone’s neck. And my male boss and coworkers never picked up on the steam coming from my ears. But at least they didn’t ask me why I was crying… or maybe they just didn’t notice.
They don’t know, okay? (As a qualifier, I’m not a man, and I could be wrong. Correct me if I am).
Women are LOUSY at communicating expectations. I actually am a woman, so I think I can say this with some certainty. We speak in subtexts and hints and only one in ten is ever picked up. But, like Einstein’s definition of insanity, we keep on trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
Still, the guy who told his wife “you’re not my mother” passed up on a simple opportunity to make his wife happy. The investment probably would have paid off in droves–you know what they say: ‘happy wife, happy life’.
So, still a fail. Big fail.
But my favourite image of the day is that of the tall young Dad with tattoos, and the little girl with the streaming blond hair perching on his knee while picking out a necklace. Her brother stood alongside, also debating what to get. Finally the daughter picked out a silver pendant. After much discussion, the dad and son decided to go with gift cards. His wife will not have to buy her own Mother’s Day gift.
4 thoughts on “Mother’s Day is from Venus”
Nice piece. I have two thoughts.
Both women and men can be lousy communicators. At the risk of generalizing here, I think men just want…well…to be understood. And women want to have their wants and needs just magically divined from the universe. Having been married for a few years, I can say that we have butted up against this repeatedly. The trick is figuring out how to work past it.
Second, I feel I have to point out that not all wives are mothers, and not all mothers hold the same level of expectation for Mothers’ Day. Although, I think that if my wife was buying herself something year after year, I’d catch on. Sooner or later.
Thanks for your insight. Of course, both can be lousy, I’m just more able to poke fun at ladies, having a better idea of how we work 😛
Much of the time ladies can interpret each others’ signals–but not always (as I’ve learned the hard way).
Howdy! This blog post couldn’t be written much better! Going through this
post reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept talking about this.
I will forward this information to him. Fairly certain he’s going to have
a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!
Thanks! And thanks for reading and sharing 🙂