I’m afraid of commitment, so I don’t make New Years resolutions. I do make resolutions, but not New Years ones. A year is a long, long time after all, and six months in I might change my mind. Making a decision? Oh, not me. Do you know how long it takes me to pick out a bag of chips? I mean, what if there’s a better flavour? What if I change my mind?
But I am a planner. I make one month plans, I make one week plans. And now I feel the need to make a one year plan. “Like New Year’s resolutions?” my coworker asked, when I told her this.
“No. Well… yes. No. It’s different.” I mean, it’s a plan, not a wish, right? That’s different, right?
I’ve got a whole list of plans by now, and the whole things scares the pants off of me when I think about it, which means I can’t think about it right now because I’m in public. I guess I’ll chance it. Maybe the boots will keep the pants in place.
I have financial goals–pay off my car, for instance. I have health goals–losing weight, of course. I mean, it was working before Christmas, it should work now. I have writing goals–a stack of them. I plan to publish for the first time in 2014, and this scares me even more than my list of goals. I also have a goal of how many books I want to read, and on what subjects. And, best of all, my sister and I have planned a trip for the summer when the plant shuts down.
I’ve heard it said that “Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, but they wildly underestimate what they can do in ten years”. And I suspect this may translate into months as well. What could I accomplish in twelve months if I deliberately planned this out? When I began writing a to-do list for the week, it was because I was tired of forgetting things. In one year, you can forget a lot. I don’t want to forget the things that were important at the beginning of the year. I don’t want a year to go by haphazardly, because time is the most important resource I have. I don’t want my money to go to the wind, because I spend far too much time to get it. I don’t want to finish another year without progress in my fitness, because after a few of those years I’ll wish I’d taken better care of myself. I want to finish the year with better relationships, and new ones.
I want to thrive in 2014.
2013 was a hard year, and I’ve come through with scars on my body and on my heart. I am sorry for the bitterness that has taken root in my soul, and for the spiritual complacency that I see in myself. I’m sorry it was necessary to spend so much of my year at work, because it seems to have strained my relationship with my family. I’m sorry I spent so much money on myself. I wish I’d saved it, or spent it on others.
I don’t want 2014 to end like that.
And so, I resolve to plan. I guess I’ll finish the plan tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.