For Trade: One Head

I’m getting a little sick of this brain of mine. Actually, I’m thinking of trading it in. My thoughts and my troubles are getting tiresome, and if I could just swap my head for another one I could get a little relief. Besides, I’ve noticed that other people seem a little sick of their heads too. Perhaps they’d like to trade.

Would you like this head?


Let me tell you about it.

Processing speed runs at average to slightly above average, with excellent information retention capacity through the audio and visual receptors. Expect to learn concepts quickly, and memorize easily. Short-term memory is a little shabby, but this can be counteracted with the use of lists and calendars.

You will inherit a highly active imagination, as well as some ability to translate this into written stories. This comes with the added benefit of never being alone, as the head is generally occupied by anywhere from two to several thousand tenants, all vying for attention and occasionally doing and saying rather nasty things. These characters are likely to get out of hand, so keep the gates well monitored, but there are one or two in there that I call my friends. I trust you will enjoy their company.

The brain comes fitted with a musical ear. Unfortunately, this musical ear is stuck ‘on’ right now, and the files must be corrupted as it keeps playing the same songs over and over again. But, if you get tired of those ones, the musical ear comes with a ‘mix’ function that can add harmonies and countermelodies.

Because of a compulsion to gain more and more knowledge, the brain is rather cluttered. If this becomes bothersome, simply take the brain off its steady diet of books, articles and audios, and it should soon become empty. It works for me every time.

You may enjoy my many wonderful memories of my family and friends, though you are unlikely to see them much as you will be far too busy. When you do meet them, they probably won’t know you that well any more. Make sure to unload on them about how your week was. That will catch them right up.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that you would be required to work as a retail clerk part time as well as in the role of a pharmaceutical manufacturing operator full time. Fortunately for you, this brain actually likes these jobs and is quite passable at them. You will also be expected to peg off the remaining things on my to-do list for the month and maintain this blog.

Mechanical difficulties may include: spinning mind, overload, fatigue, negativity, depression, and chronic overthinking. I should also mention that the brain is rather disillusioned with its church and volunteer work right now. It might be a drag, but keep it up anyway. A little more sleep, and much more worship and meditation will help.

Do what you can to maintain some semblance of order in the financial and fitness departments. The brain is equipped with a rather limited capacity for each, and no athletic ability whatsoever. Perhaps on your body it will perform better.  See photo for physical attributes of said head.

Interested? Feel free to post adds for the head you’re looking to get rid of in the comment section, and if I see anything of interest I’ll contact you.

Seriously, though, I tend to think that my life and my troubles are the worst, and that no one understands (and I know others think this as well). If we would listen to each other, I bet we’d find that “everybody’s got a story that would break your heart” (Amanda Marshall). And what we want is someone to listen, empathize, and tell us it’s going to be okay. Please do post ‘adds’ for your head below. I promise to listen.

I bet, though, that I’ll go running back to my old, familiar, messed up head.

135 thoughts on “For Trade: One Head

  1. Trading heads may not be the best option, though I understand where you are coming from. Perhaps a remodel of the head you have. It will always be a work in progress. Mastering the mind is most difficult challenge. just don’t give up.

  2. OK my head is faster than usual speed but lower than usual reliability. It goes to odd places and deviates from the point; it isn’t your typical veterinary surgeon’s head, but it’s sympathetic to people and animals and knows its limits. It mostly works at night so you would have to be able to sleep during the day. It is also a slightly scruffy head, in need of grooming, espipceially the eyebrows. It has a good grin, though. Donwstairs? It tends to get stuck in loops and needs a pint of caffiene several times a day in order to work at all.

  3. I think your brain is amazing. Don’t ever trade it. But if you insist, you should wait a few years and then sell it. The demand for creativity in the corporate world would make you a billionaire overnight. With money, you could also demand for a complimentary brain from the said businessman.
    It’s just a thought 🙂

  4. Could be worse I have tried to trade my head for years, but no takers. Maybe they are worried that I mentioned that the brain is currently out of RAM.

  5. Totally. Would you trade mine:

    One head to trade. Used to be mildly intelligent. Most Brain cells killed of by alcohol. And crisps.

    Likes Alcohol. And crisps.

    Memory not what it was. Although ability to remember a large amount of song lyrics and facts. Good at quizzes. Not good at putting the bins out

    Scrubs up nicely

    Puffy eyes today:

    Could be of any use?

  6. Does it come with any kind of warranty — or perhaps coverage for the first 100 million thoughts? I like to read the fine print before I sign on the dotted line.

      1. Agreed. Just nothing that involves scalpels or too much probing, as I may need it back if rejected. I will also send along my latest cat scan as added incentive to prove there is something inside.

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